500字看清地道的英语翻译与中式英语差距有多大

最近我公司接到了某环保会议的发言稿翻译工作。由于第一次交稿后客户相当不满意，评语是Chinglish太严重，考虑到这个译员没有出国经历，于是我司仔细看了下稿子确实存在中式表达，于是果断安排了有留学经验的译员操作翻译，交稿后客户终于发来一句 much better！

静下心来仔细研读了下这个稿子，改动其实不多，但是却直接翻译中式英语与地道英语之间的差距。

第二篇译文直接更改了几个单词，更多的改动是在句式以及介词与副词的地方，这或许就是地道英文的独到之处吧。下面将两篇稿子分别展示供大家评论。第一篇是中式表达，第二篇是校对后的地道英语。

第一篇（中式版）
Distinguished guests and friends from the media circles:
 
Welcome to gather in hotel and attend the Earth Hour activity tonight.
 
The Earth Hour activity, the environmental protection activity of the largest scale in the world, is an initiative proposed by the World Wildlife Fund to the world in 2007 – urging individuals, communities, enterprises and governments to keep lights off for an hour from 8:30 pm to 9:30 pm, the last Saturday of each March, with an aim to motivate the sense of responsibility for people to protect the Earth and the action of people to care for environmental protection issues, and to show the support from the world to the joint action of resisting against global climate warming.
 
In response to the environmental protection concept advocated by the World Wildlife Fund, the hotel is actively involved in the activity with earnest practice, advocates energy-saving and emission reduction and environmentally friendly travel modes and promotes community development and environment improvement, creating a green life.
 
Tonight’s theme is to embrace a black and white night. Meanwhile, we have also seen that many guests in black and white attend our activity. We have prepared a meaningful scenario activity for you to be involved in. Now, please look at the background panel behind me. This is a picture of the hotel. After a while, when it is 8:30 pm, the hotel will turn off unnecessary lights and dim the other lights. In the dark, you will draw the hotel with mark pens given by our staff. Please fill in black color in the hotel profile according to ---. We will use one hour to draw the hotel in the dark.
 
Please sign your names and come to take photos together for memory.
 
Thanks for your efforts. We have seen a graffiti to show a unique, interesting and cold colored hotel picture. We hope this scenario activity can motivate our sense of responsibility to protect the Earth. Of course, it is not only tonight for doing so. We are expected to enjoy our environmental friendly life in each day.
 
And next, let’s welcome the operating director Mrs. Li Shuoqi to make a speech for us.



第二篇：（地道版）

Distinguished guests and friends frommedia:
 
Welcome to Renaissance  Hotel to  attend the Earth Hour activity tonight.
 
The Earth Hour activity  as the largest environmental protection activity in the world, is an initiative proposed by the World Wildlife Fund in 2007 – urging individuals, communities, enterprises and governments to keep lights off for an hour from 8:30 pm to 9:30 pm on the last Saturday of each March, to motivate the sense of responsibility for people to protect the Earth,  call for the action of people to care for environment, and to show the support from the world to the joint action on  environment issues. 

In response to the environmental protection concept advocated by the World Wildlife Fund, the hotel is actively engaged in the activity with heart and soul. We advocate energy-saving,  emission reduction,  as well as environmentally friendly travel   Besides, we also facilitate  community development and environment improvement to create a green life.
 
Tonight’s theme is to embrace a black and white night. Meanwhile, we have also seen that many guests in black and white attend our activity. We have prepared a meaningful activity for you to engage . Now, please look at the background panel behind me. This is a picture of the hotel. After a while, at 8:30 pm, the hotel will turn off unnecessary lights and dim the rest of  lights. In  dark, you will draw the hotel with mark pens from our staff. Please fill in black color in the hotel profile according to ---. We will use one hour to draw the hotel in the dark.
 
Please sign your names and come to take photos together for memory.
 
Thanks for your efforts. We have seen a graffiti  indicating a unique and interesting hotel picture. We hope this activity can enhance  our sense of responsibility to protect the Earth. Of course, it is not only for tonight. We are expected to enjoy our environmental friendly life in each day from now on.